What is the Karpman triangle and how to find a way out of it

(ORDO NEWS) — If you are not familiar with the Karpman triangle, it represents the dynamics of unhealthy and manipulative relationships. Each corner of the triangle depicts the role that people play in the game of dysfunctional relationships. One corner is the victim (please help me); one corner – a lifeguard (responsible for other people’s lives); and the third angle is the pursuer (villain). All three roles that are in the Karpman triangle are very mobile and can easily pass into each other. Many are pretty good in all three roles, depending on the situation.

How to get out of the Karpman triangle

Unfortunately, the Karpman triangle is often a long-term relationship in which there will never be a winner. Gossip and intrigue live in such a triangle, because initially in solving all the problems there is a lie and self-pity for the beloved and there is simply no desire to take any steps to resolve the issue. Let’s look at how to exit with dignity from such a game and not become a pawn on someone else’s board. First you need to accurately identify your role in such a game, who are you Rescuer, Stalker or Victim. Only an exact definition of one’s function in such a model of relations will allow one to understand how to get out of the Karpman triangle.

So, to exit, you need to follow some simple steps.

The first step is simply to know about the game, how it works and what roles you play most often. What role did you play as a child? Can you identify the roles that other members of your family have played? Do they still play them?

The role of a lifeguard may be easiest to recognize, as it actually sounds worthy. However, this is not true philanthropy – it is about control and how to engage in someone else’s life, thereby neglecting your own.

If you are used to being a victim, on the other hand, you will often look for someone or something outside yourself to blame. (In fact, the hallmark of all roles is that attention is usually directed outward.)

And finally, although no one likes to admit to being a persecutor, if anger is your emotion, when things go wrong, you are in that role. In fact, anger is just a mask for fear, shame and powerlessness. Unfortunately, adult pursuers were often victims in childhood. There are no good guys and bad guys in the dramatic triangle – everyone loses.

Once you understand your roles, it will become much easier for you to recognize the game and, in the end, get out of it. Since the dramatic triangle is all that is connected with the affairs of other people, getting out of it requires that you remain firmly in your own!

Exiting Karpman’s Triangle for Victim

Most importantly, take full responsibility for your life in your own hands. To help you intuition and a sober mind. Do not shift the problem to anyone else. If you had a fight with your husband, ladies find compromises and never involve a third party in the person of relatives or friends.

  • Ask for help from others, if you feel that you yourself can not cope with the problem, just do not put stupid demands to punish the culprit.
  • It must be taken for granted that friends or relatives are not required to help you, while abandoning your business.
  • Try to ensure that your emotions do not prevail over the mind.

Exiting the Karpman Triangle for the Chaser

  • No one should be judged or judged.
  • Try so that aggression does not prevail over you.
  • Learn to respect the opinions of those around you.
  • Even if you are right in a situation, do not rush to put pressure on a person, help him figure it out, draw the right conclusions.

Exiting the Karpman Triangle for the Rescuer

  • If you were asked for help, then of course help, and then only if you are sure that you can’t do without you.
  • Do not feel like the embodiment of justice on the planet. In any situation, there are always pitfalls, but you do not know about them.
  • Try to look at the situation from the side of the Victim and from the side of the Persecutor. You will certainly be surprised that the Victim is not so innocent.
  • If you feel that you have an unrealized need to help others, then find someone who really needs it.
  • Try to convince the person asking for help to get down to business on their own. It is important to learn to refuse.
  • If it seems to you that you are being used in the dark, as a vest, to throw out negative on you, do not be afraid to stop this.

Remember, starting to look for different solutions to an urgent problem yourself is the best way to get out of the Karpman triangle.


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